I had never been in such utter darkness; I could not even see my hand and though I heard the others with me, I could not make out any motion or appearance of any kind.  It was an adolescent male testing thing.  To prove you were 'a man' meant walking into the basement of the abandoned VA Hospital off Peachtree Street in Atlanta in the dark of night.  We walked down several floors with flashlights and at a certain point they were turned off and one had to prove they were not scared to walk in the darkness.  God truly watches over fools and adolescent boys or is that redundant.

    And what I recall is the sensation of total inability to see- nothing.  Was I scared?  Let's just say I was glad to know I was with a group.

    I much prefer the interpretations of Judas that show a conflicted person, not simply the quintessential bad person.  I am more like that.  Neither totally depraved, nor pure as the driven snow when it comes to fears and motives.  I often think I am acting in the best interest of all while trying to force outcomes.  Who knows what was going through Judas' head. Was he the greedy one some have tried to portray- only interested in himself?  Was he the zealot of 'The Last Temptation', convinced of what he thought God wanted Jesus to do, willing to force Jesus to 'do good'?  I do not know, but John tells us he walked into the night.

    I don't have to wait until dark to walk into night.  There are many occasions when I am too aware of what I can't see: how the future will turn out for a family in anguish over a child, how the future will turn out in a debate of which I am part- and my willingness to try and make the group do the 'good' I am convinced God wants.  Times when I or a member of my family needs some medical attention and I have no idea where and what may happen (it is only 'routine' when it is not you receiving it).  I know the sensation of night.

    Jesus doesn't make it any better. After Judas leaves he says to the others, "You will seek me... where I am going you can not come.  A new commandment I  give you, that you love one another; even as I have loved you."  Jesus don't leave me in the dark.  You are leaving, and your parting words are that we love one another as you have loved us. 

    The shadows of the week are creeping in and we must keep on walking.  Our guide: Love for one another.

Blessed Wednesday of Holy Week

Todd Donatelli